He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
