Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
