I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
