bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Someone signed my nipple.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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