Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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