My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Boobs speak an international language.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
