Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
