I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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