the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
