I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
