the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
