i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
pop tarts are not kleenex
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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