My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
