I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Who wears a wallet chain?!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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