I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
