Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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