So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
