I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Green mimosas i think yes
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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