just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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