Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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