I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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