Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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