Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
