She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
