He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
