with your own penis?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
