used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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