I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
pray to the hookup gods
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
