So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
