I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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