The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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