she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
