I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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