The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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