he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
