She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
