im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
