But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
