When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
