and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
