You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
