just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
