Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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