Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
