evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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