i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
