I'm jealous of your bromance
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
