The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
