If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
