the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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