Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
