If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
