There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
