I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
