did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
